And if I Say I Couldn't Care Less About Your Opinion?

Sometimes I care too much; and sometimes it's over trivial stuff. Example: when I text or call a girl I'm attracted to and they don't answer for hours on end (or just don't answer), I get extremely antsy about what's going on. And it's not just girls. Sometimes, when a friend doesn't answer or acknowledge me, I get nervous, even irritated. There are obviously other things too. Like when I die in a video game and I rage for a few minutes.

Sometimes I care too much about things that don't matter.

There's something that's important to me subconsciously but it bugs me that it's so important to me. I think everyone has to deal with it. It's caring about what others think about me or my actions. Why do I care what someone else thinks about my decisions or me when that can't even affect my future? Unless they kill me, which would suck, but hey that's what happens. I guess. Personally, I've cared what people think for far too long. One example that I remember really was comes from my mission. For those that don't know, when you go on a mission for the Mormon church you are supposed to go out "two by two," like Paul and the other apostles did in the New Testament. So you're given a companion you may or may not know and you're told to go out and do missionary work. Well, I had a lot of problems with a lot of companions (most of which were my fault), and knowing how missionaries are I speculated to my companion that I had a horrible reputation in the mission. Meh, speculated's the wrong work. Basically, I broke down because of it and was having a really tough time getting over it. But it sucked, and it really messed me up. I acted differently around people because I wanted to be accepted.

That's not the only case of me caring what people think about me, but it illustrates the point I want to make. Sometimes we care too much about what other people think about us because we might not be accepted or people might not like us. Obviously not everyone is like this. Not everyone cares about what other people think about them, but I'd say the majority of people do whether they realize it or not. I've seen people that didn't believe in the church go on a mission just because they felt they would be shunned by the community and their family if they didn't go on a mission. Serving a mission isn't a bad thing in my opinion, but doing it for the wrong reasons is. I've also seen people choose a career path they didn't want to go on because their dad/mom/loved one wanted them to go that way; that ruined them and they lived a very unhappy life for a long time. I've seen people change their personality completely for a guy/girl because they liked that person and wanted to like them back. Hell, a lot of people workout not because they want to look good, but because they want other people to like them. A lot of girls wear makeup because they don't think other people will think they look good (mind you, I understand it can be more complicated than this, but I think it really boils down to this). Even Spongebob did a bunch of crap Kevin wanted him to do because he wanted to join the Kevin's Elite Jellyfishers (I actually don't remember the name--sorry fellow Spongebob enthusiasts) and look where that landed him!

Think back in your life. How has someone else's opinions of you changed your actions? I'll tell you what, it made me an extremely paranoid person in high school. Awkward too, but that might have just been because I was just super awkward and couldn't really help it either way.  The point is, caring what people think really screwed me up, and it's been screwing with me recently too. It usually comes back to this, but leaving the church recently was one of the hardest decisions I'd ever made. It was really tough, but what gets me is I'm afraid of what people think of me, or will think of me when I make decisions that the church wouldn't advocate or agree with. It can be paralyzing because I grew up with it.

Don't get me wrong, it's important to have respect for other people's opinions and thoughts. That's a very healthy part of life. But letting letting someone else's thoughts drive your life is a recipe for disaster. I am the only one who has control of my life. You're the only one in control of your life. Letting their opinions of you change you is bad. In the end, you and I have to follow our own consciousness. We need to follow our hearts (pardon the cliche). Because, in the end, what people think of you will be just that: thoughts. If your friends don't like who you are, find new friends. If someone doesn't like you for joining a church, find new friends (which is usually pretty easy in church--I know a ton of amazing people that go to church). If your parents don't like who you're becoming, go with what you feel is right.

Live your life the way you want to, because in the end if you want to live with regrets you've gotta do it your way. It might sound heartless or cold to disregard opinions or thoughts about you, but you can still respect other people's opinions while going your own way.

That's the way I'm gonna live from now on. No more caring about other's opinions of who I choose to be or what I choose to do. I'm gonna follow my heart because that's the best thing for me. No more regrets.

-JJ the College Lunatic

Comments